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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27192376">Acceptance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Everyone Has Issues, Feelings, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Given (anime) - Freeform, I wrote this a while ago and I now hate it, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex kinda, Like seriously I’m debating on deleting it :), M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Minor Swearing, Panic, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Uenoyama is stressed, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, its mentioned like once not really a big thing, never enough tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27192376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Satou Mafuyu &amp; Uenoyama Ritsuka are both 20 and now have an apartment together where they live. Mafuyu has nightmares quite often and Uenoyama is worried. One night when Mafuyu wakes up from a nightmare Uenoyama decides to try and help Mafuyu. </p><p>I suck at summaries don’t mind me.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Acceptance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone! I don’t know if anyone will see this but I thought I would post this just for fun. This is a stand alone chapter so I probably won’t be updating this<br/>TW: panic/anxiety attacks, self deprecating thoughts (Check tags for more warnings) </p><p>Anyways I’m probably talking too much so enjoy it please :):)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<hr/><p>Uenoyama had woken up in the early hours of the morning that night when he heard soft sounds coming from beside him </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> My entire body felt heavy. I didn’t know what time it was but I could hear soft whimpering beside me. Succumbing to my curiousness my eyes fluttered open. The room was dark, the only source of light being the moonlight coming from the large window surrounding the room. I checked the clock beside me and groaned. It was 5:56 which meant I would have to be up in a couple of hours.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>When he heard a quiet scuffling he remembered the reason that he woke up. Uenoyama turned on his side and looked at the person to his right. Mafuyu was whining grimly in his sleep beside Uenoyama. His face was scrunched up in what looked like pain? Fear? Uenoyama didn’t know. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> I realized Mafuyu was having a nightmare. Something that happened fairly often. Most of the time they were about Yuki. Selfishly I can admit I don’t like thinking about Mafuyu’s relationship with Yuki. I don’t know much about Yuki except that he committed suicide after an argument with Mafuyu. I don’t know much about there relationship beforehand or how far they went. I shook Mafuyu’s arm lightly attempting to wake the frantic boy up.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>He woke up with a gasp unsure of where he was. What was happening? Where was Uenoyama? Mafuyu tried to slow his breathing, looking around himself unsure of his surroundings. He felt something soft beneath him and there were cool hands on his wrists. He realized that he was in bed and calmed slightly. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p><em> Breath </em> I told myself. <em> It was only a dream, you're okay.  </em></p><p class="p1"> </p><p>He realized the hands belonged to Uenoyama. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> I was ok. everything was ok. Everything that had happened was in the past now. Still I couldn’t stop thinking about my nightmare. It had been after an argument. It was my fault that Yuki was gone. I couldn’t forgive myself. I liked the numbness I had felt when Yuki died or at least it was easier than to feel everything. I don’t understand my own feelings. I just want to not be here anymore.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Tears started to run down Mafuyu’s cheeks as he looked at Uenoyama. His eyes were wide and his face filled with worry. He was stroking Mafuyu’s hand trying to calm him with the gentle touches. Mafuyu’s breathing slowed with time and his panic mostly died out. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Uenoyama held him there for quite a while. He didn’t know what caused Mafuyu to panic and was avoiding having to ask. However once Mafuyu had calmed down enough he knew that he had to say something. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“Nightmare?”  He asked. Ninety percent sure that was the case. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“Ya sorry for waking you.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Mafuyu’s voice was quiet and a little breathless. There was sweat dripping down the sides of his face and he was slightly shivering. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> I had been worried about Mafuyu from the first time I met him. He looked so helpless and depressed so when he had asked me to fix his guitar strings I couldn’t really say no. After that he had practically begged me to teach him guitar. I wasn’t a teacher not to anyone so I had said no. But he wouldn’t let it go. He kept following me and eventually I had agreed. After that we started hanging out more and in spite of myself I enjoyed his company. That’s when I had finally heard him sing and I had asked him to join our band. He declined at first and I didn’t know why. Then that girl had come to talk to me and I learned a bit more of his past. Of course it was just a rumor but it made me anxious. That night when he had sung his song I finally understood how messed up his past was. After the song Mafuyu had been obviously distressed but I didn’t think about anything. I kissed him and he didn’t pull away. After that we had confessed feelings for each other and had been together ever since.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“It’s fine. Could you tell me what it was about?” Uenoyama added the second part hesitantly knowing that it might be something he didn’t want to discuss. However, this was for Mafuyu’s sake he needed to stop being selfish. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Mafuyu sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes sleepily adjusting to the darkness of the room. “It- it was about Yuki.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>He had pretty much figured that out on his own. “What happened?” He asked, trying to make his voice soft and understanding. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>He knew Yuki would always be a part of Mafuyu and even though sometimes Uenoyama selfishly wanted to erase everything relating to Yuki from his mind he had to know some things in order to better understand Mafuyu. He still didn’t know much about Mafuyu’s past and he was fine with that but things were very complicated. There’s some things he’ll never understand and Mafuyu might never heal from the mental scars. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“It’s ok to talk about Yuki with me.” He added when Mafuyu paused. “I understand he was a big part of your life and you can’t forget about him even if you want to.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>A few thick tears slid down Mafuyu’s cheeks and Uenoyama internally facepalmed not wanting to have made him even more miserable.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“I dreamed of when I found him after he committed suicide.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Mafuyu went on. “It’s a recurring dream I have a couple nights a week. I start seeing it all over again when I just want to forget.” Mafuyu’s voice cracked and more tears rolled down his pale face. “I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to forget about Yuki but when I think about him I can only see that awful image.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Uenoyama took Mafuyu’s hand. That was a lot worse then he had expected. To think that Mafuyu had been dreaming about this for weeks maybe months? It was a disturbing thought and he didn’t like the idea of Mafuyu being so distressed. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“Hey it’s ok.” Uenoyama whispered trying to calm him down.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“It’s ok to miss him, that's only natural. However you shouldn’t blame yourself for his death. You were young and your relationship was difficult. You were only in middle school and everything that happened will always be hard to understand. I’m sure Yuki would want you to be happy now.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Mafuyu wanted to believe that but he couldn’t. He did believe it was his fault because it was. wasn’t it? It was his fault because he had gotten mad at Yuki and then that same night he had- no he doesn’t want to think about that. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> I couldn’t see that Yuki was depressed and then he killed himself because of me. It’s my fault that he isn’t here today. My fault.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Mafuyu could hardly breath. He told himself to take deep breaths and calm down but he couldn’t stop shaking. He loved Uenoyama so much but he couldn’t let go of Yuki. He knows deep down that Yuki had to have been depressed for a while. Their fight had been a breaking point. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“Mafuyu? It’s alright ok? breath.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Mafuyu could hardly hear the voice beside him too trapped in his own head. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> But that means that it’s my fault. How can I just move on and be happy if Yuki isn’t here solely because of me? How could I be so selfish as to love someone else and be happy? If I hadn’t fought with him that day he would still be here I can’t deny that.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“Mafuyu? Are you ok?” He realized Uenoyama was trying to talk to him. He couldn’t really see in front of him. Everything around him felt like a dream. Despite of that he answered him </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“I-I’m fine. Sorry” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“You don’t have to apologize. I’m just worried” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Uenoyama truly was worried. And Mafuyu felt bad about that too. It was also a bad situation for Uenoyama. Mafuyu loved Uenoyama and wanted to be with him. He wanted to not worry about the past and just be happy with him but he couldn’t. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>“I’m sorr-y Uenoyama. I just want to be happy with you and I am! I love you so much but I can’t be happy for some reason. I don’t know why I always have to screw everything up. I’m s-so sorry.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Uenyama didn’t know what to think of that. He hated that Mafuyu blamed himself for everything. He also loved Mafuyu. To be honest probably too much. He didn’t want him to ever feel like this. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>“You don’t have to be sorry.” He was trying to get his feelings into words. “I love you so much Mafuyu. I don’t blame you for anything. I wish I could make you believe that nothing is your fault. Look, things are really difficult. they might never be completely fixed but I’m willing to help you along the way because I love you and I want you to be happy.” </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Mafuyu went silent and stared at him. Uenoyama wasn't sure if he went too far. Maybe Mafuyu was freaked out by his affection and he shouldn’t be so straightforward. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> Oh no I messed things up. I shouldn’t force him to open up to me. I totally freaked him out fuck.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> No it’s ok don’t panic you didn't do anything wrong.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> But what if Mafuyu isn't ready for this conversation yet? I don't know what to do, maybe I should just stop talking about this.  </em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Suddenly Mafuyu was hugging him, interrupting his internal dialogue. Mafuyu sunk his hands into Uenyama’s sweater and buried his head into his chest sniffling. Startled, Uenoyama lifted his arms and hugged Mafuyu back. Mafuyu was shaking and he clung to him like his life depended on it. He clung just as tightly to Mafuyu. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>It was weird crying into Uenoyama’s chest when he hadn’t felt much of anything for a long time. Uenoyama was warm and Mafuyu enjoyed being close to him. Mafuyu still wasn't sure about everything. This whole situation was confusing but it felt very comforting to know that Uenoyama would be with him. That Uenoyama would also be there for Mafuyu to cling to. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p>
  <em> Maybe it will be better. Maybe someday everything will feel more ok. Like Uenoyama said things might never completely heal but I think I can learn to accept it. </em>
</p><p class="p1"><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone!! if you’ve read this far I just want to say thank you so much! I appreciate any interaction :D I really hope you enjoyed my story. Really the only reason I wrote this was for fun. If you did enjoy my story please let me know! Thank you guys so much for reading!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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